215: NINE INDIGENOUS VOICES Compiled by Bill Lee

“The article below is the fourth in a series of four reflections on the residential school
issue in Canada that will be published every day in the following week in Critical Perspectives and Reflections. The discovery of the 215 bodies of Indigenous children in unmarked graves signaled the beginning of what many of us hope will be a genuine awakening in this country of the long standing colonial wound that has been festering since even before Confederation. The first article, by Wayne Johnston is a plea for us to Wake Up! to the profound seriousness of the issue? The second, by Darryl Newbury focuses on the need for education in our history. The third, by Bill Lee, considers the issue of the responsibilities of the Church and the State to right the wrongs. The fourth is a compilation of nine Indigenous voices with their individual reactions to the specific news of the 215.”

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THE CONTEXT OF THE PROJECT

The words below, that are shared here, came about after and as a result of, and reaction to, the news of the discovery of the unmarked graves of 215 children who had died at the former Kamloops Residential School on the land of the Tk'emlúps te Secwépemc First Nation in Kamloops British Columbia. There were huge outpourings of shock, grief and anger from all sectors of Canadian society. The sector that is the most important is obviously that of the Indigenous community. That is the one and only context that matters here, Indigenous voices, no filters no instructions on what they were to say or what specific issues they were to address. Canada has too long ignored or played down or stilled the voices of Indigenous people. Not here, not now. These are Indigenous voices speaking their words. Canadians should listen, must listen or else continue in our blind colonial denial.

THE PROCESS OF THE COLLECTION OF THE REACTIONS

The words below are the unvarnished, deeply felt and raw but thoughtful reactions of a number of Indigenous people following the terrible and shocking news.

The people quoted below come from different parts of Canada and are of various Indigenous First Nation backgrounds. While Indigenous people are linked by bonds of common ancestry and experience, their individual communities often ground them in a special way. The only thing that links most (though not all) of these ten is that they are known to me. Most, though not all, are friends of long standing, colleagues or old students of mine (often the same). Two, as can be seen from the names, are members of my family. I reached out to a number of people. Some thought about it, thanked me for asking but felt they had to decline, it was too raw. Most of the ten people who did generously agree also took some time to think if it was the right thing to do, for them and for others. We honour them and say chi miigwech. Here are their reactions and reflections.

Sarah Anderson. She Walks On Rainbows.

My name is Sarah Anderson, my Spirit name is She Walks on Rainbows. As I sit here struggling to write, I try to contain my emotions so much heartache so much trauma, generational trauma. When I was growing up as a little girl, I knew that I was Indigenous I knew that I was Mohawk but my grandmother (Nanny) her one and only rule of me growing up was we weren't allowed to tell anybody that I was Indigenous because I could pass off for being white. I didn't grow up knowing my culture but I know in my heart that my nanny did this to protect me. For the past 13 years I've been doing my best to learn as much as possible including bringing back my culture. After hearing the devastating news at the Kamloops residential school,

I think about the 215 innocent children, babies they were just children, innocent children. I think about their families 215 families, mommies and daddies, grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. I question how many more children there are that we don't know about and that Justice needs to be served and change really needs to happen, enough is enough. As I hug my children good night, I hug my children for those 215 children. My family and I wore orange shirts. And put teddy bears in front of our building, having to explain to a three and a six-year-old at an age-appropriate level was absolutely devastating and heartbreaking but they need to know, everyone needs to know the severity of what Indigenous people went through, change needs to happen and it needs to happen now.

Sienna Belanger-Lee. Syilx/Ojibway

Way̓ inca iskwist xixutəm. My name is Sienna Belanger-Lee, I am a Syilx/Ojibway two spirited Indigenous woman. I am the daughter of survivors. I come from the dry creek area of Okanagan Indian Band and I have a passion for horses, learning my language and culture. I am an artist, spiritual learner in medicine, Syilx speaker, and a horsewoman. “To take the Indian out of the child”- John A. McDonald first prime minister of KKKanada. Recently 215 indigenous children were found. All between the ages of 3-16... these children were stolen from their homes and forced into this school at the ages of 3-16. The undocumented children, as young as new borns, from the abuse inflicted onto those young girls, and the boys were forgotten so KKKanada could forget and not teach this part of Canadian history. When we the people heard of this news, we already knew. We knew the children were still there. It’s why when you go to the schools you feel the heavy residual energy of them and those horrid events. We are mourning for our ancestors and these children, our grandparents, parents, us…we ask you to be our allies. To learn the truth, and share it. To be more aware and cautious how you ask survivors, the people, our truths and realities as indigenous, First Nation, “Indian” peoples.

We are still here; we will always be here. #215 Limləmt

Jayme Costello. Bear Who Walks With The Wolf. Chippewas of Nawash

I guess when I heard about the 215 souls that had been buried in unmarked graves at the hands of the Catholic Church and the Canadian government my heart sank. And my rage and anger burned within. As has been the case for much of the last couple years, I tried to ignore it. I tried to not think about it as I am so over hoping for the best of humanity. We are in too many ways a disgusting, self absorbed species. That was the conclusion I had come to. Yes, there are a few good ones out there, but not near enough.

But to be angry and hurt would be a waste of my valuable time and energy, I thought.

But 215 would not leave me alone. It kept rearing its image of broken families and lost dreams. The heartless pedophiles and murderers masked as priests and nuns doing the work of demons all in the name of God. Fuck!!! What bullshit!! These beings are a morbid bunch. And government who designed and funded the system knew full well what was happening, the torture. They did not blink an eye.

And now, today, here we stand trying to explain our suffering to a society that wants little to do with the past and tries its best to distance itself from the actions and inaction of its ancestors. But then as time passes, I find I’m amazed at the responses from so many non-Indigenous Canadians (like the organizers of Truck Convoy 215 in BC). I am drawn to the movement and action of those I had given up on. Their caring words and conversations, the owning of a past they know has brought them so much privilege and prosperity.

Dare I say I have begun to have Hope.

Hope is a scary thing. It is a risk; it can let you down and lead you to a place of despair as well as support and motivate you. But for the moment it feels good.

I can only imagine how I would feel if we actually followed through on the caring words and forward-thinking conversations.

Words are powerful but action is unifying.

Cindy Doxtator. Fine Rain, Oneida Nation

It's so hard to just Breathe. Each breath aches. ...

The Residential School experience touched us all in some way. Of course, it is the survivors who know the worst of it. It is hard to understand and painful to remember. The remains of 215 children were found at The Kamloops Indian Residential School last week. We know there are more to find. We know it is going to be hard to keep going through this. We don’t know how we are going to get through it. It is going to be very hard on everyone, very hard.

I am one of thousands of intergenerational survivors of Canada's Residential Schools. My maternal grandmother and grandfather attended residential school in southern Ontario. There was no comfort, there were no hugs, there were no cuddles, no affection whatsoever in those spaces called residential schools.

My dear grandmother and grandfather endured and lived through daily deprivations of all types. As former students of residential school my grandmother could not respond to my mother's need for love and affection.

I've been pausing, gasping for air in the breaking news and remembering how real residential school syndrome is for my BEING and thousands of others.

But I'm here. I haven’t come this far just to come this far.

Lawrence Jack. Nuu chah nulth. Chief stretching Beaver. descended of the –Coast Salish people.

The 215 unmarked graves are not even the worst crimes committed by our Country who uses the Lord's name as its shield. Keep in mind this Country has out lawed our ceremonies in the 70's and now in 2020. The government also worked with the Churches to cover up records, facts. By burning of old churches and ridding of all paper documents. The residential schools were replaced by the foster care system. This government also had doctors sterilize our women, and used our kids as lab rats. They will point the finger at the Churches but remember who gave them permission.

… It was said in ceremony by our great fathers, the red skins will lead the way for healing as the World becomes sick and dying. This is when the 8th fire is lit.

Jeff Lee. Anishnawbe. Henvey Inlet First Nation

… two days out from the news of the Kamloops residential school event, I am really feeling impacted today, .... the last 2 days I was busy working, but then it hit me, and hard. Its a hard day all round being Indigenous.

… I was in a live video conference meeting for Indigenous staff today. It was a Talking Circle where we discussed and shared our feelings on the recent events in Kamloops. It’s heavy, powerful... as people share and collectively experience our connections in this moment.

… Back from the Truck Convoy 215 rally This day began with really mixed feelings given the enormity of the recent discoveries at the former Kamloops residential school. Sabina and I were both feeling the anticipation and trepidation. It was bigger than any one person, bigger than this nation. It’s stunning to see the huge effort that went into mobilizing in response to the terrible injustice.

Pam Lillian. Northern Wolf Woman, Eagle Clan

On my maternal side I am Algonquin-Antaya from Quebec region, originally from the Maine area, (with Inuit ancestry on my paternal side). I have been reconnecting with our traditional teachings over the last 15 years, since much of our culture was hidden from our family, a shared story for many individuals. In our family, adoption/marriage was the best chance of avoiding the residential schools, and surviving in general. This option also meant completely disconnecting from our traditional roots. The grandmothers in our family learned how to instill certain teachings without practicing ceremony, but much of our cultural traditions were lost through generations of assimilation. As a mother now, I cannot fathom the pain, the grief, the disconnection, of losing my children the way our ancestors did. I cannot imagine the dread of sending my children to a slaughterhouse. If they did not physically murder those children, those children died in so many other ways, leaving them feeling shame for who they were. The discovery of the 215 did not surprise us; it provided tangible evidence. But though we weren’t

surprised, it shook the country to its core. The reality is that the foundation of this country, and all of Turtle Island, is holding this memory, a memory that cannot be healed until it is fully acknowledged. It means that while my best friend’s grandmother was enduring her torturous time at a government funded church “school”, the eggs in her uterus were already taking in that trauma and holding that memory. Generational trauma is real, it’s in our blood. It is time that it’s fully acknowledged, and steps are taken to rectify it. The notion that this country is not colonial and racist is a farce. More than half of Canadians (not including First Nations, Inuit, and Metis) don’t even know there are other Nations that exist within this “free” country. But our history is not lost, we are living proof. I am hopeful that additional searches are being conducted. For the sake of our children, our grandchildren, and our Mother Earth, this time of ceremony and healing is needed. Indigenous people don’t need a stronger voice, we have proven our resiliency! We need a government that actually listens to our voices and acknowledges us as the sovereign Nations that we are. Consulting is not the same as Consenting. It’s time for a change. In honour of every child lost to residential schools, and our ancestors, we will continue to speak our truth!

Barb Nahwegahbow. Zhaashkwaabino Kwe, Anishinaabe, Whitefish River First Nation

There was a mass grave found at the St. John's Anglican Residential School, the residential school in Chapleau where Aunty Julia Nahwegezhik was taken. My mom's sister was never heard of again after she was stolen. The First Nation in that area repatriated them. I spoke to them a few years ago about my aunt but there was no record of who the children were. I think they reburied the bones with ceremony and put up a memorial plaque. I'm wondering what could be done now with this current discovery in the news. At any rate, this has been a trigger.

Zhoong Deh Kwe. Ojibwa. Strong Hearted Woman

To all my Indigepeeps. You have come from so much to be here, not just from our pasts, but also in our own lives, all that we carry. I just want to tell you that I love you. Giizaagin. You are strong, you are powerful. You have all the gifts your ancestors left behind in you.

And although this week has been traumatic for each and every one of us, the news every minute of every day a constant reminder of what has been done to us and what is STILL happening to us, I want to tell you: You are beautiful. In a world that tried to destroy everything you are.... you are resilient and you still hold the beauty of kindness in your heart towards others. So, turn that kindness towards yourself and love yourself and forgive yourself for anything you may have done during the times when you were only naturally reacting to the insanity that was around us. And most especially during this time surrounding all the triggers, be kind to yourself and know that you mean the world to so many. And you mean the world to me. And the reason we have gone through such atrocities isn't because they thought we were inferior... it is because they saw our spirits and wanted to destroy them. But we are still here. Our

hearts still beat, our drums still echo across the lands. Our songs still carry us in our lodges and we will be healed once again

… We only talk about bringing the priests and nuns to trial, but what about the entire system and bringing the whole thing to the human rights tribunal? The entire country and the entire system needs to be charged with crimes against humanity and attempted genocide of an entire people. We are not only talking about priests and nuns, we are talking about ministers... we are talking about the pope. If he ain't giving them up... or giving us names, he needs to be put up on trial. Any priest or nun that supports his decision should also be charged with crimes against humanity. While we are at it... lets charge the RCMP. Let's charge the teachers that watched everything go down and kept quiet or added to the abuse. Let's charge the truancy officers and all the families that benefited from the free labour of these beautiful children. Charge every person that snitched on a runaway child. Charge every parliament member, every news reporter, that Egerton Fucking Ryerson who was among the gang that started the whole Residential school system that became Indian Day Schools that turned into Children's Aid services that continues the genocide today. Any of Ryerson’s family that financially profits from his genocide today should be stripped of all of their riches and do time as well. Judges and Lawyers and anyone in between that had anything to do with the kidnapping and ultimate demise of so many children nationwide. Not just of the ones who never made it back home, but for all the considerable damage that has been caused to each child that went to residential school. For all the parents and grandparents, it ripped into pieces and their lives shattered forever ... but also for the generations that came after and how they were affected by all the after effects. Anyone that had a hand in this atrocity should be brought through the court system. Just as Nazi sympathizers have been brought to trial... so too must our victory come. In light of Truth and Reconciliation this needs to happen, otherwise it’s just more bullshit lies we've all heard before. I have zero faith in your government. Even as Trudeau talked about this on the news, he said it with a slight smile on his face. And people want to talk about how good looking he is? Son of white paper is just as evil as his father was. They are no friend to the NDN.

Binesi Ogichidaa

It’s been a tough week, so many unhealed issues within me came pouring back, like a severely gushing river, back at me. I thought I had delt with it all. This let's me know there’s never-ending healing to what I and other children have gone through, the atrocities that we face as First Nations people. I, literally, almost went out that night, grabbed a bottle and a few cans to go sit at the water and just drink, forget it all. Thankfully, I didn't do that this time. Life. I have always struggled but I manage to always push through. A relapse, I swerved momentarily but with this and everything else I'll be praying everyday for myself and others to have their Trauma relieved. I give great thanks for the Ancestors who walk with me who have instilled so much resilience within me, Indigenous Resilience.